Talkin' 'Bout Shaft...SBL#178 Trivia Test

Test your 1970's Movie Trivia knowledge with the follwing Quiz to see if you are a "Sufferin' Bastard":

1. Who's the Black Private Dick that's a Sex Machine with all the chicks?

A. Jessie Jackson

B. Jimmie Walker

C. Donald Rumsfeld

D. John Shaft

Damn Right!

2. Who is the man that would risk his life for his brother man?

A. Jay-Z

B. Prime Minister Tony Blair

C. John Shaft

D. Micheal Richards

Can you dig it?

3. Who's the Cat that won't Cop out, when there's danger all about?

A. John Shaft

B. Pat Buchanon

C. George Jefferson

D. Bono

Riiight on!

4. They say that Shaft is a Baaaad __________.

A. Apple

B. Example

C. Attitude

D. 'Shut yo' mouth'

Hey, Im'talkin' 'bout Shaft.....

5. He's a complicated man, and no-one understands him but his ________.

A. Accountant

B. Analyst

C. Rev. Jessie Jackson

D. Woman

We can Dig it!

Well, how'd you score?

It's Gettin' Hot up in Here...uh,.. Dog

Speaking of K-Fed (we were weren't we?),

What with all the unwarrented notoriety given to Kevin Federline, nee Mr. ex-Brittany Spears, nee K-Fed, recently other erstwhile political figures, formerly full of Hubris but now lugubrious, have decided to spice up their images by taking up spiffy new 'Gansta' knick-names, just like K-Fed(since it's done wonders for him).

See if you can match the new Rap Monikers to the disgraced public figures.

A. Donald Rumsfeld

B. Mark Foley

C. Jack Abramov

D. Ted Kennedy& John Kerry

E. Ted Haggard

F. Ken Lay

___ 'Dem-Boys', featuring Pac-I-Fist and Cut n' Run

___ Rummy-D, or Da-Bomb

___ K-Ped (as in '-ophile')

___ Cash Money

___ Meth Man

___ Notorious D.E.A.D.

Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner

It's a Photo-Finish! The winners of our 1st annual SBL#178 'Essay Contest' are 'Muddah' and 'Toody'. Both earned equal points for brevity. Additionally, 2-D used the word Beer 7 times, which was excellent, and Muddah employed the concept of his wife taking a Lesbian Lover for tittilating effect. Congratultions, you two. Your CD is on the way. Thanks for Blogging the Sufferin' Bastard way!

I(1) really(2) didn't(3) do(4) all(5) that(6) much(7) that(8) was(9) fun(10).
To(11) make(12) it(13) even(14) worse(15) I(16) didn't(17) have(18) much(19) time(20) to(21) drink(22) beer(23).

The(24)kids(25)...

half way there..take a breather...

did(26) have(27) a(28) good(29) time(30) this(31)summer(32).
They(33) spent(34) most(35) of(36) their(37) days(38) in(39) pools(40).

pant pant..must continue..10 more to go...I

(41) was(42) hoping(43)Karin(44) would(45) find(46) a(47) lesbian(48)lover(49).

Done(50) .

Muddah




I'm sitting here drinking a BEER and pondering what I did over my Summer vacation....(15)Those who

know me, know that this (me drinking a BEER) is in fact, a crying shame........ (32)They know that I

only like the first sip of a BEER. This is of course not a dainty sip of.......(53)BEER, but it is most

certainly a waste of BEER! Anyhooo....I do digress. Since I have.......(70)proper homage to the word

BEER and have at least fifty words I'll get to my point............(86)What I did on my Summer

vacation......I drove over 600 arduous miles to theIsland of ....(103)Cape Breton, Nova Scotia. My

main purpose for going to this fine Island, you ask?.........(118)Why it was to find and buy some

delicious Alexander Keith's BEER for myBrother Jack!(126)

Toody

What I Did on my Summer Vacation

Hey Bastards,

Here's an exiting contest for the Fall, if'n you don't have anything better to do. Submit, in 1000 words or less, but at least 50 words or so, an essay based on the title, "What I did on my Summer Vacation". Points are awarded for humor, vulgarity, vagary, and references to Beer, however the points don't mean anything. All participants will receive a free copy of the recently compiled musical CD, "Art Deco's Copyright Infringement Compilation", with some of the best of today and yesterday like Wilco, Gram Parsons, Rolling Stones, and The Reverend Horton Heat. Can't beat it with a stick (that'd be just silly). All participants wanting the free CD will have to submit to me their mailing address so's I can mail it to them. Don't worry, I won't misuse your address; who's got the friggin' time. If you don't know how to post, just leave your essay on comments from this post, and i will post for you. Anyhow, get them cards and letters comin' in, and remember, 'non illegitimi corrundum', don't let them bastards wear you down.

You May be a Sufferin' Bastard

If you are wondering if you are old and lame enough to enjoy this B'log, take the following short test your normative generational pop culture aptitiude alignment.

Q.1 "Nattering Nabobs of Negativism", refers to:
A. a Post-Punk Rock band of the late 80's
B. Democrats, according to Rush Limbaugh
C. a quote from Spiro T. Agnew, former illustrious Vice-President to Tricky Dick Nixon

Q.2 Witchipoo is the Protagonist from which of the following:
A. H.R. Pufinstuf
B. HMS Pinafore
C. Mutiny on the Hms Bounty

Q.3 Which of the following is not, or ever was, member of the Rolling Stones:
A. Keith
B. Ringo
C. Justin
D. Enrice
E. Dick Dastardly

Q.4 Captain Caveman was a spin-off from what beloved TV series:
A. Scooby-Doo
B. All in the Family
C. Dharma and Greg
D. The Electric Company
E. Wacky Racers

Q.5 Your earliest and most painful Red Sox memory is:
A. Johnny Pesky holding the ball
B. Tony Conigliaro's beanballed fractured skull
C. The Big Red Machine '75
D. Bucky F***in' Dent '78
E. Mookie F****in' Wilson '86
F. Aaron F***in' Boone '03
G. 'man, I still can't believe they let Damon go to the Yankees'

Q.6 Finish the following: "Chinese, Japanese, Dirty Knees,....
A. ... I know you are, but what am I"?
B. ...Talk to the hand"
C. ...Look at these"
D. ...Have you seen THESE"

Q7 You remember exactly where you were when you found out:
A. JFK was shot
B. JR Ewing was shot
C. Kurt Cobain was shot
D. Tupac was shot
E. ...how about Lincoln,...anybody?

Q.8 Which of the following bands derive their name from a Dickens novel:
A. Lothar and the Hand People
B. Uriah Heep
C. Wham
D. Black-Eyed Peas

Q.9 The Theme song for your Senior Prom was:
A. Color my World
B. Cain't Touch This
C. Dream On
D. Stacy's Mom has Got it Goin' on

Q.10 "Kung-Fu Grip" refers to what:
A. a Game-Boy induced cramping of the forearms
B. 1974 Porno Movie starring Ron Jeremy
C. 'Hand-Action' feature of certain G.I. Joe Action Figures
D. Hong Kong Flu


If you answered 'YES' to any of these questions, you may be a Sufferin' Bastard. Welcome in Brether'n.

..."but these go to Eleven..."

It has oft been said that there is a very fine line between brilliance and stupidity. Actually, I don't know how often I've actually heard that saying , specifically. To be honest, I think I just made it up. Point is, there are times when you should listen very carefully to those nagging second thoughts that crop up in the back of your mind when an idea strikes your fancy . There are good ideas, then there are times when too much of a good thing is a bad thing.

Examples:

Mud-Wrestling, Brilliant... Clam-Chowder Wrestling, Stupid

Teqilla Shots, Brilliant... Jello-Shots, Stupid

Party Favours from the Dollar Store, Brilliant...Tie-down straps for your canoe from the Dollar Store, Stupid

Having your wife cut your son's hair to save money, Brilliant... Having your wife cut your hair to save money, Stupid

Liquor before Beer, You're in the clear, Brilliant...Cigars and Beer, then Everclear, Stupid

Blowing out your tire as you're heading into the Allagash Wilderness Waterway, turning around and having it repaired as a preventative measure, Brilliant... Saying, "fuck it, what are the odds of blowing out TWO tires on one trip", and keeping on going, Stupid

Doing a Polka version of "Freebird", Brilliant... Putting it on your set-list evry night, Stupid

Starting a potentially funny bit like this in your B'log, Brilliant...

Running out of ideas in the middle, Stupid...

Anyway, watch out for tose nagging doubts, and keep your fly wet.

BFC

Betting results from Super Bowl XL

Mick Jagger, performing at
Super Bowl XL half-time
show last week(AP photo)


For those of you who bet on the big Super Bowl last week, here are the latest Vegas results:


"Over-Under" Results for Seattle, Pittsburg and the Rolling Stones

1. # times 'mic'd up' Jerome Bettis or Mick Jagger were 'bleeped' during event= 0/2
2. #times Seahawks coachMike Holmgrin or Charlie Watts cracked a smile= 0/0
3. #Pittsburg turnovers or #times Mick Jagger petulantly put his hands on hips= 3/42
4. #Seahawk interceptions or #times Keith made that pouty "holy-shit,
I just got startled out of a deep sleep" look on his face= 1/76
5. #Matt Hasselback rushing touchdowns or # Stones dressed like a Pirate= 0/2
6. #Pittsburg sacks or # "gravy draggers" on Mick's Triceps= 2/2
7. Total yards for both teams or cumulative age of Stones= 848/946
8. How old I am or how old I felt watching the Stones half-time show= 42/142

P.S. Put a head band and a Pirate costume on your Great-Grandad and see if HE doesn't look like Keith. Heh!? Rock on!

Top 5 Punchlines to Jokes I Can't Remember Anymore

1. "Are you Dunn? Well then, write your Mother"
2. "That's not a Pig, that's a Duck. I was Talkin' to the Duck".
3. "Four Balls? Walk Proudly Carl".
4. "So then the Sheep says, 'Daaaaad'!".
5. "When you've got a Pig THAT good, you eat him Real Slow".

Any of these ring a bell?