Bigfoot Chester's Advice for the Outdoorsman 1/20.06

Dear Bigfoot,


Dis is Saddam ju bastards. Jes I am back in Amerrrica for goood. I am loooking for werk as DHS case worker or high paid male streepper, whichever comes first. First, I need your advise. Is it better to use a Muddler's Minnow or a Zug Bug on a "Trouser Trout"?

Bemused in Bagdad


Dear Bemused,

You know, I was looking through some of your old pictures and, I swear, you're the spittin' image of my ex brother-in-law. Are you sure you aren't part Canadian?

Anyway, to get to your fishing question. The 'Trouser Trout' is a euphamism for a rare and unusual Salmonid species found generally in and around the Pubs of greater New Waterford, North Sydney, Glace Bay Nova Scotia, sometimes found in the greater Newfoundland area, or can be sometimes spotted around the men's room at Lucky's Tavern in Newport Maine. The trouser trout is a much more aggressive feeder and will pretty much respond to any thing you throw at him, especially around 'last call'. I, myself, do not generally go after the Trouser Trout (not that there's anything WRONG with that), but I have it on good authority from my good friend 'Spenser' that any type of typical fly is effective, especially if it is open. It is also important that your fly be color-coordinated and stylish. Keep your rod stiff and on your retrieval you should use a 'swishy' motion. That should do the trick. I hope this helps.

Good luck with your 'job-hunting'. I know it can sometimes be hard to find a job being new to the area, especially with that 'murderous, terrorist, despot, dictator' thing all over your resume. Anyhow, keep your fly wet and stay out of the Spider-holes.

Bigfoot

(Bigfoot Chester is neither a licensed counselor or a registered outdoor guide)