Facts are simple and facts are straight,Facts are lazy and facts are late,
Facts all come with points of view,
Facts don't do what I want thwm to.
-David Byrne of Talking Heads
5 Facts that Prove that America is going to Hell in a Hand-Basket
1. An Albany NY mom recently helped her 6 year old daughter fake an essay to win tickets to a big Hanna Montana concert, beating out 1000 other lil' contestants. In the essay, the little girl claimed her Dad had been tragically killed in the War in Iraq, which of course was bogus.
2. Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band floor tickets at Giants Stadium:$250. Hanna Montana floor tickets at Gund Arena, Cleaveland: $800.
3. The most newsworthy person of the year, based on internet searches is Brittany Spears, by a landslide. But that was before her sister got herslf pregnant.
4. Dick Clark has had his head cryogenically preserved and attached to a robot so he can continue to host Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve for eternity. A disapointed Ted Williams could not be reached for comment.
5. Ryan Seacrest-I don't think I need to explain further.
6. Hey, isn't Hanna Montana, nee Miley Cyrus, the daughter of erstwhile mullet-jockey, achy-brakey no talent mook Billy-Ray Cyrus? Wasn't there a great man who once said those who ignore the mistakes of history are doomed to repeat them? They were right, and we must now live with the Cyrus dynasty of Suck because of our atavitic negligence. Well, don't tell my heart...
Wait, that was six facts. Well there's many more but my Mohito's gone and it's time for bed. Anyhow Feliz y prospero ano sus putas and bring on 2008. What could possibly happen?
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