'Twas the Night Befo' Christmizzle', a Holiday Poem by Snoop Dogg

Mr. Dogg is a frequent contributor to SBL#178

I know it's a bit early, but what with all the Humidity...

T'was the night befo' Christmas, and all through the Hood,

T'weren't no Pimpin', no Bangin', no, it was all good,

Now the dead bolts were hung by the front door with care,

With my Glauk by my side in my big easy chair,

Me and my Boo, and a big bag of Chronic,

We had just settled down for a nice Gin and Tonic,

When out in my front yard arose such a Clizzle,

I jumped up from my chair to see what was the Dizzle,

What did I see out in my front do',

But a fat man in red and Eight tiny Ho's,

I could tell right away that the man was a pimp,

By the clothes that he wore and how he walked with a limp,

He had gold in his grill that looked like a retainer,

I thought for a minute he was Cedric the Entertainer,

In his mouth was a crack-pipe just like Dwight Gooden,

And a belly that jiggled just like Jello Puddin',

On his head was a Kango, on his neck a Gold Rope,

I could tell right away the M***r f***r was Dope,

He blew on his Crack-pipe and the Ho's they got busy,

Laying presents on my ass until I just'bout got Dizzy,

Then he shouted out loud so his Ho's they could hear,

And he made a Peace sign and said, 'Bitches we outa here",

"On Keesha, LaTreesha, on LaWanda, on Whitney",

And some little white girl I think he called Brittany,

They got back in his Benz and they rolled out of sight,

Out in the streets of a dark Compton night,

But I heard him exclaim, the night air, it did fill,

"Merry Christmizzle to all, and to all stay well Chilled".

'Celebrity' Haiku Volume #28: "I'm like, all up in yo' Grill, Homey"

Ah, K-Fed, we hardly knew ye. This'll be my last K-Fed post. I can't help it. The stuff writes itself.

Don't get up in my Grill!

Well, now I can grow back my Mullet

Can You Say Vanilla Ice?

-K. Federline-Spears

The Gusters

Took some time off from work last night to enjoy the Gusters up at the UMaine campus in teaming Orono for the final performance of their current tour. The show, for the most part was pretty solid and enjoyable but I noticed something that kind of disturbed me. As you know the MCA features reserved seating as it usually houses ballet performances or dance troupes . . . the occasional standup comedian.. . . Well after the first couple of songs the lead singer of the Gusters sez to the audience sitting up front . . . "Maybe you guys could come up and fill this gap between the front row of seats and the stage. " I believe this is also referred to as the orchestra pit. Naturally hundreds of people came down and filled up this space dancing and having a grand old time. This of course sent "security" into action strong arming folks to sit their asses back down. The lead singer was accosted immediately following the song and told to undo what he had done. This sort of killed any momentum that may have been building. Now, I understand there are fire codes. And I understand how important maintaining order is especially in the wake of "The Station" disaster. I still couldn't help but thinking as I watched the patrons, like sheep head back to their seats and felt the joi de musique being sucked from the room . . . live music has lost something for the sake of safety.


Somewhere in the night . . . Ivan Doroschuk sipped the sweet wine of vindication.

It is now safe to laugh.

I just haven't posted anyhting about Beer in a while.

The Most Annoying Album Title In The World...Ever!

Turner Broadcasting has begun offering an album of relaxing classical compositions entitled “The Most Relaxing Classical Album In The World…Ever!” The album features such relaxing compositions as “Nocturne”, “Adagio For Strings” and that one song with the two ladies singing that they used in the awesome lesbo scene in “The Hunger”.
The album is the latest in the successful series of “The Most…Ever!” albums and promises to break sales records set by “The Most Freaky R&B Album In The World…Ever!” and its successor, “The Most Repetitive Blues Album In The World…Ever!”
Turner has plans to extend the series with new releases each quarter. Titles already slated are “The Most Clichéd 60s Rock That Evokes Vietnam Album In The World…Ever!”, “The Most Songs From Teen Comedy Soundtracks That Are Mostly ‘All-Star’ By Smashmouth Album In The World…Ever!” and “The Most Songs That Hipsters Pretend To Like Album In The World…Ever!”

Courtesy: Rock & Roll Confidential

Al Gore's Got nothing on this Boy...

http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/4.07/scans.html

To read about a real pioneer of the Intronet, go back to this old issue of Wired Magazine, and get a new found respect for our old pal Muddah. Al Gore di'nt invent jack-shiiiit.

It's Gettin' Hot up in Here...uh,.. Dog

Speaking of K-Fed (we were weren't we?),

What with all the unwarrented notoriety given to Kevin Federline, nee Mr. ex-Brittany Spears, nee K-Fed, recently other erstwhile political figures, formerly full of Hubris but now lugubrious, have decided to spice up their images by taking up spiffy new 'Gansta' knick-names, just like K-Fed(since it's done wonders for him).

See if you can match the new Rap Monikers to the disgraced public figures.

A. Donald Rumsfeld

B. Mark Foley

C. Jack Abramov

D. Ted Kennedy& John Kerry

E. Ted Haggard

F. Ken Lay

___ 'Dem-Boys', featuring Pac-I-Fist and Cut n' Run

___ Rummy-D, or Da-Bomb

___ K-Ped (as in '-ophile')

___ Cash Money

___ Meth Man

___ Notorious D.E.A.D.

Say it ain't so, K-Fed

(Associated Press)Dateline: Cootersville, La.

I really thought those crazy kids had a chance at love. But it wasn't to be so.

I opened up the Bangor Daily this morning(all the news that's fit to line your birdcage), and before I could get to all the exiting election news, I was stunned to find on the celebrity section that Brittany Spears, erstwhile Mouskateer, turned pole dancer, was filing for divorce from her 'long time' mate Kevin Federline, AKA K-Fed. I know, I know. I was as shocked as you. You could have knocked me over with a feather when I read the news. In this crazy, jaded, cynical world of American pop culture, one doesn't expect that these 'celebrity marriages' will last. But I for one, and I'm sure I'm not alone, thought that those lovebirds could stand the test.

Was it the stress of raising two small children under the unblinking eye of People Magazine et al? Was Brittany jealous of K-Fed's skyrocketing rap career? Reports had circulated over a bevy of groupies at recent WWE appearances he had made. Rumour also had it there has been friction coming from K-Fed after the "Booster-Seat-Gate" incident last year. One never knows. It has been recently speculated that Brit wanted 'Fed' to start sporting an old-fashioned Mullet, like all her old boyfriends used to do down in the Bayou, which, of course he vehemently refused to do, because it would interfere with his new 'Gangsta' image. Hard to say, but I, for one, would love to get a peek behind the velvet rope to find out what the real deal is. One thing I do know is this: If those two kooky love-birds couldn't make it work, then what does that say about the rest of us? It makes you stop and think, dud'nit?

Moe, Larry, and Curly

Election Day Special! vote Early, vote often!

CAMPAIGN 2006: De-obfuscating the issues for the masses

Look, the Dude said he was against
gay Marriage...

NOT Gay Sex.

Glad we could help clear that up.

"Geez, Damn Democrats"!