The Man Who Mistook his Wife for a Coat-rack, or something to that effect...

It happened to me again today. I'm down in the cellar, puttering with one thing or another, and find myself with an urgent need to be upstairs in the kitchen. There was something I definitely needed there, but, for the life of me, I now can not remember what it was. There I am, standing in the middle of the kitchen, unable to recall what brought me there. So I walk back down in the cellar, by the work bench, as if that would jog my memory. It did not. So I go back up and pour myself a cup of coffee; plausibly, that is what brought me to the kitchen in the first place. So I'm sipping my coffee, and I'm thinking of a report I read one time where it said that every day you lose like 1000, or 10,000 brain cells every day. I can't remember. I used to know. Anyway, it got me to thinking about how the human mind works. At least how mine works sometime. I can't remember an apparently important errand I was suppose to do for my wife today, but go ahead and ask me who was the last Red Sox player to hit 30 home runs and steal 30 bases in a season. Go ahead. It was Tommy Harper. I think. Speaking of, I can probably tell you the names of all the players on the '75 Red Sox, but I can't tell you the names of any of my kids teacher's names, the names of their friends, or the names of their friends parents. We were at a Cub Scout function one time last year, and I was shmoozing and chatting with one of the parents. Me and my wife walk away, and she says, sarcastically, "$100 if you can tell me their name". I didn't get the money.

Every time I hear the song 'Brown Eyed Girl' by Van Morrison, I have a distict and clear memory. I am back in 1983, I am in Baltimore, and it is a beautiful sunny day. I am working for my Uncle Frank in the big construction tour of '83. All the other guys are hard at work. Frank pulls me aside and tells me that he needs me to go to the Lumber Supply store 45 minute away, and pick up a big order with the company van. He tells me, additionally, that I should make an all day project out of it. In other words, take it easy and don't come back 'til quitting time. So it's 85 degrees, I don't have to be anywhere, I don't have a care in the world, every girl in Bal'more is wearin a halter-top and shorts, and, oh, did I mention I had a styrofoam cooler full of ICE-cold's nestled beside me in the ZVI van. I'm just thinking to myself how could things be any cooler, when on comes 'Brown-Eyed Girl'. I'm singing, sipping, enjoying the sun in the City Park. Life is good. That's what I remember every time I hear that song. Now, ask me 5 people I graduated High School with.

Now ask me where me and my old friend Barely Spragged were when his Monte Carlo turned over 70,000 miles. Frankfort, Maine. Right in front of the General Store. Now ask me my wife's eye color. Uuuhh....Hazel? Not that I don't love my wife dearly. I love her so much, in fact, that I can even remember her telephone number when we started dating, fifteen years ago: 827-3845, thank you very much. Now if I could only remember her cell phone number, so I could call her and ask her what I need so badly in the kitchen. Anyway, I digress. Frequently. It's like my old Buddy Shag asked me one time: "Remember the time we all got drunk".

At least I can put on my resume that I can recite all the lines from "Subterranean Homesick Blues", by Dylan. Course it wouldn't matter, because I'd forget about the interview. And if you need to know the chronology and lineage of any Norman Lear TV show in the 70's or 80's, from 'All in the Family' on, I'm your man. Relatedly, did you know that I used to have a hat just like Jimmy Walker used to wear in 'Good Times'. Fact. Also, did you know that I once ate dinner with members of the band Oingo-Boingo at Legal Seafood in Boston. True story. I just remembered that. My wife says I repeat myself sometimes and tell the same stories over and over again. I don't know what she's talking about. Reminds me of the time I was dining with Oingo-Boingo. Danny Elfman was telling me about a movie he was doing the soundtrack for. I think Rodney Dangerfield was in it. But again, I digress. Any way, I guess it just goes to show how the Human mind works. Maybe it's a matter of attention. Maybe I remember the things I want to remember and ignore the things I find trivial. You see what you want to see and hear what you want to hear, knowhatImean? I didn't think so.

Anyway, I just remembered what brought up to the kitchen in the first place: the smoke alarm was going off. Lunch is ready. I'd better call my wife and tell her. What the hell is her Cell phone number anyway?