Tempest in a Wine-glass: State of the Union Speech 1/23/07

And now, with the Sufferin' Bastard response to President Bush's State of the Union Speech, is SBL#178 Chief Editor, Bigfoot Chester.

For one thing, is it me? Is it just because I'm a devout heterosexual, or is Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi one of the hottest Speakers in a long time? She's still gettin' it done as far as a I'm concerned. Condi Rice, eat your heart out. And don't think this was lost on Dick Cheney, whom I saw at least 4 times giving her the old 'up/down while she was sitting there. Speaking of Cheney, Dick, you crazy magnificent bastard, what is going through your crooked mind while your sittin' there listenning to ol' W? You got this major shit-eatin grin pasted on your face throughout the whole speech. Could it be magical thoughts of a threesome with Pelosi and Senator Clinton? Speaking of Madame Senator from New York, if you rolled your eyes any more vigorously in response to W's speech Hillery, you may have given yourself a small seizure. And Oraka Bauma (sp?), you are one handsome bastard. You got my vote, yo. On the other end of the spectrum, I don't think I'm the first one to ask: could John Kerry look any more like Herman Munster? I don't think so. And speaking of Hawkish Democrats, Leiberman of Connecticutt seemed, by his countneance at the S.O.T.U., as if he has completely lost his 'Joe-mentum'. And speaking of flatulant old Democrats, Ted Kennedy, who looks more and more like a Manatee in a Brooks Brothers suit, fell asleep at least three times during the President's speech. But not ol' John McCain, over on the Republican side, who was sitting next to our own Susan Collins, giving her the ol' nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Way to go New Mexico.

As far as the speech itself, the thing that always really annoys me is the frequent, obsequious and obviously phony rounds of applause every time the President finishes a sentence of any import whatsoever. His speech was interrupted by applause so many times, I said to myself what I NEVER dreamed I would have said about a George W. Bush speech: 'shut up and let the man talk'. Alas, though, when he did talk, I remembered why I had never said that to myself before.

By the way, it was nice to see the President give a shout out to Houston Rockets star Dikembe Mutumbo; Jesus Christ is that guy tall?

I didn't get the whole health insurance initiative idea; either the math was too difficult or I had one too many glasses of wine before speech-time. I'll have to hold judgement on that. I was heartened to know, despite what I had been led to believe by those scurulous Democrats, that we are actually winning the War on 'Terrrrrr'r'. I guess he's right; it would be wrong to cut and run now. Here's a popular idea, W: Instead of sending 25,000 more troops to Bagdad, let's send 25,000 Lead Baloons, and see how that goes over and jacks up your approval ratings. But, that's only until the Iraqi government can take over the job and secure a democratic government...right... that sounds about as likely as my 10 year old daughter balancing our family checkbook.

Hey, doesn't Nigeria have a lot of oil? Let's go and liberate them.

Hey, John Edwards kinda looks like Ryan Seacrest, d'ja ever notice that?

I was happy to hear about W's plan for temporary immigrant workers. Sweet. Now the guy that does my lawn will be back next year.

Well, Hell, I guess you got it under control George. What with the price of groceries higher than Mike Tyson at a random traffic check and oil prices going up and down faster than your daughter Jenna's tube top at a Mardi Gras parade, it's nice to know you have a plan. Oh, and by the way, it's fucking NU-CLE-AR, not NU-CU-LER. And TERR-OR-IST, not TERRR"RST. Goooosh! Damn, my wine is all gone and I have to be up at 5AM for work. 'Lawd love a cheerful giver'.

non illegitimi corrundum

BFC