St. Valentine's Day Massacre 1980 (I think)

Today, rock fans, is the umpteenth anniversary of the Greatest Band that Never Was, the band that put the Pete Best in Beatles, put the Brian Jones in the Rolling Stones, the band that stood up so many gigs, it'd make George 'no-show' Jones blush with pride, ...my friends I present,... Pavlov's Dogs.

Starting out in the fertle crescent of Newport/ Palmyra Maine in the late '70's, a skinny Catholic boy named Daddy and a red-necked pothead from Hartland named Shibles formed the band 'Vintage' and began forging the musical style and beat that would soon shock a nation. They were subsequently joined by a large breasted female drummer, Tal, and changed their name to 'Jet, and began writing there own controversial original songs, recording their much heralded first album 'Don't Stop'. Jet soon solicited the services of a mega-cephalic, but dim-witted farmboy-bass player from Liverpool by the name of Yo Hennessy. Yo soon forced Daddy to fire Shibles and hire his ner'do-well gas station attentant friend Spot to take over the lead guitar role. Despite the fact that Spot couldn't play a lick, Jet recorded their second album, their hugely popular, 'Live at Carla Starbird's Wedding'. At the recording sessions, Tal fell in love with Bob, the best man, became pregnant, got married, and soon left the band. Jet, at this point, was so popular that gigs were lining up at the office of their manager, Elrod. They had no drummer, but Elrod couldn't say no, and since they were not actually paying gigs, it was easy to not show up for them. They nearly played at the Sesquacentennial celebration of Newport Maine, barely missed playing at the Annual Etna-Dixmont School Talent Show, and were actually advertised to play at the Bangor State Fair. After some unfavorable publicity, Yo suggested renaming the band 'Pavlov's Dogs' after a line in a Rolling Stones song. The dim-wit hadn't heard of Ivan Pavlov, or his dog, but he thought the name had a 'ring' to it. The band still had no drummer, so they decided to follow their previous marketing strategy of lining up gigs and not showing up at the last minute. Soon, word began to spread, and Pavlov's Dogs were the hottest band in the land. And don't think this was lost on Linwood Nugent, owner of the famed Navigator Hotel in Rockland. Their 'Rockland' sessions are now legend, and their 'Rockin' in Rockland' EP was the quintesential 'accoustic live' album, long before MTV 'unplugged' in the 1980's.

A long string of smash albums and a long string of drummers followed, including the troubled but talented Gerry Bejork, formerly of 'Emerson, Lake and Bejork'. Eventually, what caught up with Pavlov's Dogs is what eventually kills all Rock and Roll: Adulthood. It became increasingly harder to keep a drummer. Daddy decided to join the Jesuits. Spot joined the US Army. Yo, sick to death of being knick-named after a Sylvetser Stallone character, jumped in a lake and broke his neck; sounds like Brian Adams song, dud'n'it? The Dogs ended their illustrious career with ignomy by recording their 'Bark Mulch Hate-Fuck-Live at Grouchy Marx' in 1994. Lightly attended, this session was the obvious death knell of a once throbbing rockandroll organ of love.

Not much has been heard from the members of P-Dogs lateley, except around this time of year, when rumours of a reunion tour perennially crop up. As for this reporter, I hope and pray it happens, just for old time's sake, just so the bastards can not show up again. As Pete Townsend said, 'I hope I get old before I die'.

Peace, BFC